GRIEF AIDS

GRIEF AIDS

 1.     Dwell.  I will dwell on the loss.  Grieving is good, natural, helpful.  To deny the loss is dishonest and disruptive and destructive to the normalization of my life.

 2.     Deadline.  I will allow myself to grieve, but not forever.

 3.     Discuss.  I will talk, verbalize, get it out of my system.  Catharsis.

 4.     Deliverance.  I will cry to God for deliverance from this pit of pity.

 5.     Distractions.  I will allow myself to think about and do other things besides dwell on my loss.  The lost-one would want such?!  It is not disrespectful, nor dishonoring.

 6.     Disarm.  I will disarm the arguments of the Snake that would try to ensnare me in guilt and depression.  I will go to my Father and get the aid and antidote that I need.

 7.     Double-up.  I will not try to go this alone; but, I will seek out helpers, fellow-strugglers, comrades. “… a two-strand cord is not easily broken; three-strands even better…”  Common to us all is trouble.

 8.     Depend.  I will call upon the Spirit of God to get me through this.  I am not an independent, lone-wolf.  I cannot get through this alone.

 9.     Direct.  I will direct my thoughts to things above, to positive things, to blessings – thankful for what is, for the good that is, not angry for what I think should be, but is lacking.  Depression comes from drifting into dark thoughts.

10.    Duty.  I will go about my duties, my routine, my daily responsibilities, finding in them normalcy and healing.

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NO MORE TEARS

NO MORE TEARS

A grandson is stillborn and the Light is hidden and my mind darkens.  Faith is tested.  Hope is tortured.  Love is twisted.  My heart, mind, and soul are in turmoil.  Questions rear up as serpents ready to strike and poison.  Doubts lurk in the darkness, ready to trip, to tumble me into the Abyss.  Anxiety strangles.  Pain cripples.  Sobs of loved ones heighten my fatherly instincts, ready to protect, to provide, to guide, to guard, … but I stand by, powerless, seemingly, to fulfill these urges of a father.

As Melanie and I travel home, after nearly a week of helping, holding, crying, caring – we listen to Bible CD’s on the car radio; and she stops me with a question, a doubt, a denial, a challenge – as James 5:13-15 is narrated. Questions embody, incarnate, enliven the pain.  And the conversation meanders to “no tears in heaven” – all the while, wondering HOW will it be different.  And, then, “… why not now?!”  Why is Satan loose NOW, not chained in the Abyss?!  And, could it possibly unravel again, coming apart at the seams in some future age?  I mean, will God take away the free-will to say “no”?  The angels rebelled once before?  Choice leaves open the possibility?  (The “theologian” in me is complicating my wife’s simple question.  Much of these footnotes in our conversation are reverberating only in my twisted mind!)

“… God has promised that there will be no more tears …” is the best answer I can suggest, however seemingly feeble?!  Yet, the promises of God are NOT “feeble”!  Somehow, it WILL be “Edenic”, forever and forever!  Gone will be the thorns that infest the ground.  Disease and Death will be with the Devil!  All of God’s children will be home with their Father.

1) Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2) And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband; 3) and I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling of God is with men. He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself will be with them; 4) he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev.21:1-4)

THE FIVE GRIEF LANGUAGES

THE FIVE GRIEF LANGUAGES

(bouncing off the five love languages)

Sarah, “… Mom, it is funny; Dad retreats to write, and you clean and cook …”  She made this comment about the different ways we handle grief over the loss of a loved one.  So, off I went to do what?  Let’s meditate and muse and write a memo!  What are the different ways people respond to grief?

1.        Write/meditate.  It helps to sort out feelings and thoughts.  Maybe it begins to make sense of troubles.

2.        Clean/help.  We do it for others to express sympathy.  We do it ourselves as therapeutic toil.

3.        Cook/eat.  The sisters at church pull out their best heart-warming recipes.  We savor the delicious morsels as we try to forget our troubles.  Sometimes, it is the thought that counts?!

4.        Give advice and pat answers.  There is a kernel of truth in most of the pat answers.  And, I am sure that folks mean well as they attempt to apply a verbal salve to some heart ache.  Often, it is best just to listen, IMHO.

5.        Listen/console.  People appreciate you just being there.  The friends of Job were doing great, until they opened their mouths.

6.        Research/RCFA.  Google.  Wiki.  Bing.  Looking for answers, we dig into cyber-consciousness.  Connecting the dots does help, some.

7.        Share experiences.  The tracks of a fellow-struggler can sometimes help as one tries to navigate out of the darkness.  But, it is not one-upmanship.  Everyone’s struggle, though similar, is unique.

8.        FB-post.  A modern aid for an ageless problem, we can use social media to communicate and console.  Friends know.  Friends show their support, their compassion.

9.        Talk-catharsis.  It helps to “get it out” of our heart by getting it out in the open.

10.      Prayer.  This is where it should start.  In the Father’s arms there is peace and a path back.

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