BUYER’S REMORSE – KINGDOM KILLJOY?!
Yesterday, 09/08/15, I bought a
major toy/tool. I have been shopping for
months, even years; so, it was not an impulse buy. Advice was sought – mechanical, price, even
spiritual. “1. Can you afford it? 2. Do
you need it? 3. …” “… you will enjoy
it…” “… you never spend any money on
yourself; you buy cheap clothes and wear them out completely before
replacing…” I saved $2-3k on the
dealership price versus other dealers’ prices! (that makes me feel better) I can use it as a business deduction. On and on goes the rationalization?!
Will it
glorify God? Will it further the
kingdom? Images of “Schindler’s List” closing scenes haunt me about the price
of a gold pen. I awoke last night and
walked the floor anxiously. I began
itemizing the “good” things that it can accomplish – fun with grandkids,
cruising timber, a tax deduction, saving miles on other vehicles (?!) [good
one!] … I went back to bed at 2:22! [odd number]
This
morning we went for a ride in our “love buggy” as I have nicknamed it! She was hanging on for dear life as we slowly
eased about the farm. Honest, I was
barely moving and the hills are not that steep; and I did not get within ten
feet of the pond! She has called her mom
and sister and told them of her great 60th b’day present to me! [good one?!]
But, we did enjoy the ride; and she made a list of farm upgrades for me
to begin – bush-hogging, etc. [may have
to leave her home next time?!]
As I
drank my morning coffee, I began to muse on the nocturnal-angst that
overwhelmed me. It would seem to be an
indication of a tender heart? A heart
that wants to do all to the glory of God?
A heart after God? “bigger barns”
is not my goal. But, a shed for the new
UTV would seem like a good idea. If no
questions arose about propriety and priorities, then a calloused heart would be
indicated? If I scar up this heart
enough it will get tougher?! Don’t want
to go there! What am I teaching my kids
and friends? They all say that I am a
cheapo. But, I just want to use it
sparingly for me, and AMAP (as much as possible) for Him! It is all His.
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